...I seem to be a perfect Westerner.
Body image is an enormous and pervasive issue in our culture. There is a huge amount of pressure put on people to look like the models whose pictures they see plastered everywhere. Be skinnier, be more tan, be more toned, have sexier hair, be taller, have thinner thighs, etc. I was curious when coming here, how the issue would play out. What I've found leaves me sad and befuddled.
Yes, they should be skinny and toned, but mostly their standard is this: have a light complexion, be tall and curvy; use any amount of make-up necessary to look like you have big eyes and "double eyelids"; dye your hair and get it permed to make sure it's not straight or black; go through any length you have to - usually plastic surgery - to make your face look less round and more oval. To sum it all up, look as "western" as you possibly can!
For years I have struggled with feeling that I wasn't pretty enough, because I wasn't skinny or toned or tall. Because I thought there was some objective standard of beauty that I could never attain. But since I've been here, I have been saddened to realize that although this is not true, it seems to be a common misconception. But here their "objective standard" is vastly different from ours.
This point was driven home to me yesterday in a way that breaks my heart.
The University was shooting a promotional video, and for the part about the global exchange program, they conscripted me and a few other international students, as well as some Korean students. One girl was visibly shaken because she was so nervous. When I asked her if she was ok she said "No! I am not ok. I don't look good enough." Taken aback I tried to comfort her, "Oh! I think you are pretty, your hair is really beautiful and you look really professional." She really was beautiful by my subjective standards and I wanted her to see herself through my eyes. Although countless others have hinted at this idea, her blunt response shocked me. "Me?! Oh no! You are so beautiful!! So... *here she spread her arms out to show that she thought I was off the scale*...I wish I had her skin and your hair and your EYES!"
Me - she wanted to look like ME! Why?? Why would she want to look like me when she could look like her? Why? Because the standard of beauty here screams to Korean girls that they should look Western. It's a scream that makes these beautiful girls feel intimidated by an very average American. Me. This realization continues to overwhelm me. I am humbled, but infuriated. Why, why, why are we so caught up in pursuit of this perceived "objective" beauty?! Why do we constantly strive for such a hollow and unattainable goal? Why do we let it intimidate and control us? And why am I the person who, by no choice of my own, constantly rubs this into the faces of my beautiful Korean counterparts??!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Overwhelmed by Beauty
This weekend our suite went on a school-sponsored field trip to Suncheon in the tip of South-West South Korea. It was a fun-filled 29 hours in which we got to watch the sun set over a field of silver reeds and wild flowers, behind a winding river and impressive mountains. We took 100's of pictures in a wonderland of lights that included Leo, a tree-sized mushroom, Peter Pan and Cinderella, swans, and countless hearts...Spent the night eating, drinking, talking, laughing, and sleeping in a traditional guesthouse...wandered around a traditional village from the Choson Dynasty era in which we learned to twist straw ropes, sift rice, inflict punishments and torture, wear a Hanbok, and unsuccessfully play a traditional Korean instrument...Not to mention 13 people in a 12-seater van for an 8-hour road trip through some of the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen. And great food.
It was a great chance to bond with my suite mates, some of whom I rarely see, and most of whom I don't get much time to talk with. It was also incredible to just drive across Korea - when will I ever get a chance to do that again? Walking around the traditional village was oddly reminiscent of my Senior trip to Williamsburg Virginia... So different, but so...similar. But overall, I was completely overwhelmed by one thing: the stunning beauty that abounded everywhere!
Everywhere!
>> The road through the mountains was half tunnels, and each tunnel had a design painted around the entrance - most having their own unique design.
>> The bridge supports were painted, and some were even made into graceful shapes - made out of concrete.
>> Cities are strewn with flowers - along side the roads, in the shops, on the signs, and even reflected in shapes and emblems of lights, guard rails, and flags.
>> Huge flat valleys are surrounded by craggy, but tree-covered mountains.
>> Roofs, gutters, and eves designed to be either impressive or calming and painted brilliantly.
>> Trash cans are decorated.
>> People always make sure they look perfect. Not because they think there is something wrong with the "natural look," but because there is an expectation, a cultural standard of beauty and everyone strives to reach it. Even if it means 100,000 of Won and hours each day.
>> You can constantly find people - hired by the government - along every road: sweeping and cleaning up trash or tending to the gardens along many of the roads.
The natural beauty of the mountains and the ocean are perfectly complimented by the flowers that are grown in every possible location. The buildings are meant to be aesthetically pleasing - not just functional. Those fans that we find so beautiful, intricate, and collectible? Well they use them here, that is their means of air conditioning in the subway or standing in line at E-Mart. Everywhere you look you see people with cute and colorful umbrellas, creative phone cases, pretty notebooks, and to even begin describing the outfits would be a post to itself!
Korea may or may not be the most beautiful place I have ever been, but the Korean people, with their love for beauty, and their eye for cultivating it, have made their country into a wonderland of delightful sights. I wish I could capture every little pretty thing I see just to keep it with me and share it with others, but there's too much! All I can do is look around and marvel. It is truly overwhelming.
It was a great chance to bond with my suite mates, some of whom I rarely see, and most of whom I don't get much time to talk with. It was also incredible to just drive across Korea - when will I ever get a chance to do that again? Walking around the traditional village was oddly reminiscent of my Senior trip to Williamsburg Virginia... So different, but so...similar. But overall, I was completely overwhelmed by one thing: the stunning beauty that abounded everywhere!
Everywhere!
>> The road through the mountains was half tunnels, and each tunnel had a design painted around the entrance - most having their own unique design.
>> The bridge supports were painted, and some were even made into graceful shapes - made out of concrete.
>> Cities are strewn with flowers - along side the roads, in the shops, on the signs, and even reflected in shapes and emblems of lights, guard rails, and flags.
>> Huge flat valleys are surrounded by craggy, but tree-covered mountains.
>> Roofs, gutters, and eves designed to be either impressive or calming and painted brilliantly.
>> Trash cans are decorated.
>> People always make sure they look perfect. Not because they think there is something wrong with the "natural look," but because there is an expectation, a cultural standard of beauty and everyone strives to reach it. Even if it means 100,000 of Won and hours each day.
>> You can constantly find people - hired by the government - along every road: sweeping and cleaning up trash or tending to the gardens along many of the roads.
The natural beauty of the mountains and the ocean are perfectly complimented by the flowers that are grown in every possible location. The buildings are meant to be aesthetically pleasing - not just functional. Those fans that we find so beautiful, intricate, and collectible? Well they use them here, that is their means of air conditioning in the subway or standing in line at E-Mart. Everywhere you look you see people with cute and colorful umbrellas, creative phone cases, pretty notebooks, and to even begin describing the outfits would be a post to itself!
Korea may or may not be the most beautiful place I have ever been, but the Korean people, with their love for beauty, and their eye for cultivating it, have made their country into a wonderland of delightful sights. I wish I could capture every little pretty thing I see just to keep it with me and share it with others, but there's too much! All I can do is look around and marvel. It is truly overwhelming.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Korean Competition
One of the cultural traits that I love most here is that of sharing. Generosity isn't restricted to special families or individuals. It's an integral attribute of the Korean culture.
Saying that the Korean culture is "community-oriented" is a bit of an understatement, but it is always good to look at specific ways in which that general trait is manifested. And this is one of them.
When a Korean is happy, he or she will generally be very expressive in order to share the joy and excitement. In the same way, when that person is sad, everyone will gather around to share the pain. When you visit your friends' houses, they will most likely insist on paying for everything except the subway ride there. And when you go out to the restaurant, you will likely share a large pitcher of cold water and a large pot of hot food. If you leave your food in the common area, it means you are sharing it. and if you leave your soap in the shower, it means that everyone is welcome to it.
Saying that the Korean culture is "community-oriented" is a bit of an understatement, but it is always good to look at specific ways in which that general trait is manifested. And this is one of them.
When a Korean is happy, he or she will generally be very expressive in order to share the joy and excitement. In the same way, when that person is sad, everyone will gather around to share the pain. When you visit your friends' houses, they will most likely insist on paying for everything except the subway ride there. And when you go out to the restaurant, you will likely share a large pitcher of cold water and a large pot of hot food. If you leave your food in the common area, it means you are sharing it. and if you leave your soap in the shower, it means that everyone is welcome to it.
From the minute I got off the plane and Jinju was waiting for me with a Subway Card and hotel reservations, to my friend "Bass" who gave me his earring, to the giant container of Cheese Balls that our entire suite -and plenty of other people - have been sharing, I have been completely overwhelmed by the sense of openness. I love it! I have no problems sharing my food or my time because when I need anything, my Korean friends are the first ones to drown me in thoughtful gifts.
I believe my roommate and I are in a sweet competition to see who can be the most generous. Although I am not in the least competitive, I like this one! Because everyone wins.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Found in translation: "Cheer up!"
Has anyone ever said anything inconsiderate to you? The kind of thing that the more you think about it, the more inappropriate it seems... Part of you wants to give them a good smack, part of you wants to give them a piece of your mind, and part of you just shakes its head and walks away thinking, "See if I ever try talking with you again!"
Now, what if the comment was meant 100% sincerely, and the speaker had no idea that their words were hurtful or inappropriate? What if they thought that their words expressed the sympathy and understanding and hope they were honestly feeling?
You might think this is an impossible or at least highly unlikely situation. Think again.
When I say, in English, "It's good." I usually mean it in something of a flippant manner when someone makes a small mistake and says, "Oh, my bad." Or I use it to mean seriously that something looks, smells, sounds, or tastes good. However, when speaking with a native Spanish speaker (all the ones I know are from Mexico/Central/South America) I can use the direct translation, "Està bien." to mean:
"It´s ok."
"It doesn´t matter."
"Are you ok?"
"I am ok."
"It´s going to work out."
"Oh, nevermind."
"That will work."
Very likely, there are more specific ways to say each of those phrases, but as a new speaker of the language, for now, that one phrase will serve many purposes.
But what about "Cheer up!"? When do I use that phase? Usually in a somewhat joking, condescending, or empathetic manner when I think someone is making a big deal out of something small. So when my Korean friends began saying it to me during the week my Grandpa passed away, my initial reaction was one of surprise and indignation. "Who says that?! How can you tell me to cheer up when this is obviously such a painful and lonely time for me??"
But looking past the words, knowing my friends care for me and would never act flippantly at such a time, I tried to see what was being lost in the translation. I asked my suite mate, Umi, about the Korean translation for "Cheer up." Her eyes lit up and she replied quickly, "힘내!" ("heem-nae") Obviously, in their culture "힝내" has very different connotations than our expression "Cheer up." In their minds, they were communicating the sympathy and understanding and hope they were honestly feeling.
I always wonder how many times this happens and I just have no idea how much is lost in the translation.
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending: I found a good (and very easy!) way to express the sympathy, understanding, and hope I feel when my friends are feeling down!
Now, what if the comment was meant 100% sincerely, and the speaker had no idea that their words were hurtful or inappropriate? What if they thought that their words expressed the sympathy and understanding and hope they were honestly feeling?
You might think this is an impossible or at least highly unlikely situation. Think again.
When I say, in English, "It's good." I usually mean it in something of a flippant manner when someone makes a small mistake and says, "Oh, my bad." Or I use it to mean seriously that something looks, smells, sounds, or tastes good. However, when speaking with a native Spanish speaker (all the ones I know are from Mexico/Central/South America) I can use the direct translation, "Està bien." to mean:
"It´s ok."
"It doesn´t matter."
"Are you ok?"
"I am ok."
"It´s going to work out."
"Oh, nevermind."
"That will work."
Very likely, there are more specific ways to say each of those phrases, but as a new speaker of the language, for now, that one phrase will serve many purposes.
But what about "Cheer up!"? When do I use that phase? Usually in a somewhat joking, condescending, or empathetic manner when I think someone is making a big deal out of something small. So when my Korean friends began saying it to me during the week my Grandpa passed away, my initial reaction was one of surprise and indignation. "Who says that?! How can you tell me to cheer up when this is obviously such a painful and lonely time for me??"
But looking past the words, knowing my friends care for me and would never act flippantly at such a time, I tried to see what was being lost in the translation. I asked my suite mate, Umi, about the Korean translation for "Cheer up." Her eyes lit up and she replied quickly, "힘내!" ("heem-nae") Obviously, in their culture "힝내" has very different connotations than our expression "Cheer up." In their minds, they were communicating the sympathy and understanding and hope they were honestly feeling.
I always wonder how many times this happens and I just have no idea how much is lost in the translation.
Fortunately, this story has a happy ending: I found a good (and very easy!) way to express the sympathy, understanding, and hope I feel when my friends are feeling down!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
While we're waiting...
This is not going to be a sappy "I miss my man" post, nor will it be an expose of all the wonderful reasons I have to miss him. Instead, it is an honest -brief - look at what it means to be in a vibrant, growing relationship from half way around the world.
Some things don't really change.
At home it was "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Here it is "What happens in Korea stays in Korea." But my response is the same either way, "But I would know."
At home it was "You're late again?!" Here it is "You're late again?!" And my retort to myself when I think that is always "You're upset about that again??"
Some changes are just subtle.
At home it was "I love you, Beth, see you tomorrow!" Here it is "I love you, hon...I can't wait to see you." Either way my response is "Love you too, babe! Can't wait!"
At home it was trips to Starbucks so I could study and he could drink coffee. Here it's rushing to finish my homework so when he gets to Starbucks we can Skype.
But most of the changes are enormous.
I miss having somewhere to put my shoulder, and I don't know what to do with my hands when I'm walking. Words mean so much less when they can't be coupled with actions, so we have to find new words to express what our actions can't. It's so much easier to hide hurt or anger behind a computer screen, it takes a lot of extra courage and patience to explain those difficult emotions over Facebook chat.
The most difficult part is living, not for the past - the wonderful memories we made before I left, and not for the future - the memories we plan to make when I get back. But living now. If I spent all of my time focused on the past or the future, our relationship wouldn't be real or growing.
I love my man, and I am glad we are together today. I am thankful for the time I get to chat or Skype with him. But I am also thankful for all that time we can't be talking. Because he is still in my life. I have him to love, and admire, and miss. Yes, I am thankful for all the sweet times we had before I came here, and Yes! I am so excited to make so many more when I get home. But I am also thankful for the time we have apart, because he is still my man, and I am still his girl. Not even half a globe can change that.
Some things don't really change.
At home it was "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Here it is "What happens in Korea stays in Korea." But my response is the same either way, "But I would know."
At home it was "You're late again?!" Here it is "You're late again?!" And my retort to myself when I think that is always "You're upset about that again??"
Some changes are just subtle.
At home it was "I love you, Beth, see you tomorrow!" Here it is "I love you, hon...I can't wait to see you." Either way my response is "Love you too, babe! Can't wait!"
At home it was trips to Starbucks so I could study and he could drink coffee. Here it's rushing to finish my homework so when he gets to Starbucks we can Skype.
But most of the changes are enormous.
I miss having somewhere to put my shoulder, and I don't know what to do with my hands when I'm walking. Words mean so much less when they can't be coupled with actions, so we have to find new words to express what our actions can't. It's so much easier to hide hurt or anger behind a computer screen, it takes a lot of extra courage and patience to explain those difficult emotions over Facebook chat.
The most difficult part is living, not for the past - the wonderful memories we made before I left, and not for the future - the memories we plan to make when I get back. But living now. If I spent all of my time focused on the past or the future, our relationship wouldn't be real or growing.
I love my man, and I am glad we are together today. I am thankful for the time I get to chat or Skype with him. But I am also thankful for all that time we can't be talking. Because he is still in my life. I have him to love, and admire, and miss. Yes, I am thankful for all the sweet times we had before I came here, and Yes! I am so excited to make so many more when I get home. But I am also thankful for the time we have apart, because he is still my man, and I am still his girl. Not even half a globe can change that.
Friday, October 18, 2013
So many photographic moments; so little time.
Well this is how my weekend in Gyeong-ju started. Sunrise over my little town as I took the short walk - about 1.5 kilometers, I think - to the station. I was really quite proud of the fact that I rode the KTX and then transferred to the Mugungwha, two different public train systems, by myself, without getting lost. That from someone who gets lost every, single time I drive anywhere for the first time. Public transit in Korea is really not too difficult as long as there is a little English, and you can read Korean. It's quite straight-forward.
After 4 hours of travel, I met with Aeri and Injae at the coffee shop where I had my first Korean Americano. My research focus while here is Buddhism - past and present. So after catching up over coffee we hit the road to the Bulguksa Temple which is an ancient temple, but also a tourist attraction. With lots of stairs. (I'm finding that to be a common trend all over Korea: stairs, lots of stairs.)
 |
| The main stairway up to the main temple. As it is the original staircase, we couldn't walk on it, but we did get to go up by a different path, and wander around at the top... |
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| The view looking left from the stairs. |
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| And directly to the right of the stairway. I hope you can tell what these are. If not, well, look closer. |
Above left: the arch below the stairs. Above right: a shrine at the top. Below: Injae, and even more stairs.
Here we have more of the Temple grounds including, of course, more stairs. The stairs on the right are some of the most intense stairs I have ever climbed: nearly a foot high, with a depth of about 7". |
| Here is the main temple. I got to watch people take off their shoes, bow - usually multiple times - and then back out. Below: good example of the intricate work displayed even in the roofs and eves of a traditional structure. |
The official bell that can still be heard at modern Buddhist temples. And the stones are for prayers. Stacks and stacks of them wrapped around the entire temple, and people were making more.
The sign explains that Buddha has 1000 hands and each hand has an eye. In this way, Buddha can look out for and protect his followers all over the world. This depiction shows all the hands and eyes, unfortunately, I couldn't get close enough for a more clear picture.
This is obviously an ancient fence, however, the tree seems to have little respect for it...
Peace was pervasive. Even as the crowds spilled over ever path, and merged in and out of each building, the overall feeling was still on of calm and even solitude. The saying "You are only as alone as you feel." took on a new poignancy.
From the Bulguksa Temple we headed up the hill to the Seokguram Grotto - home to the largest underground temple in the world. Pictures were forbidden inside, but I got some photos of the surroundings.
This is the view from the top. And the road we took to get there. That is less than half a mile on the screen. More than once we nearly went off the road or deep into the other lane. Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it in spite of the inevitable car sickness...
A bit further down the mountain there was a souvenir shop with a tiled roof. On each tile there was a note. And then there were piles of tiles all around the building. I saw tiles from nearly every Asian country, as well as Finland, England, Norway, Iceland, France, Portugal, Spain, Germany, Italy Morocco, and America. (Not to mention all the ones I don't remember...) I was proud to be able to read not only the English tiles, but also the Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, German, and Korean. Dreams coming true over here - I'm telling you! On the right is yours truly of course. In my hands I am holding a roof **wink*wink** made of lanterns, each containing wishes from previous visitors.
Naturally, food was next. Green onion pancake and spicy tofu soup. With a lot of amazing sides. In the picture to the right you can see dried fish strips, boiled fish, salad, kimchi, potato, jalapeno, more green onion, and rice in the shiny silver bowl in the back right corner: just a traditional meal in Korea!
After eating we went and took a walk along a lake. It was getting to sundown, to one direction looked colorful and bright, the other was full of sunshine and silhouettes. Thoroughly beautiful. After fighting traffic we got to the traditional guesthouse where we would stay that night - and I completely forgot to take any pictures... After resting and showering and watching some Korean TV, we took a walk and saw the astronomical observatory of the ancient Silla kingdom. Not to mention the countless enormous tombs of the kings and officials. No big deal.
Typical sight as Gyeong-ju is surrounded by mountains.
The next day we met up with Jiseong and Ryan and ate some spicy lunch. It was delicious and fun. As the day progressed the fun continued. We went to the Anapji Pond, which was the pleasure area of the Silla kings. It was really beautiful. In spite of Jiseong nearly pushing me over the edge of the waterfall I was attempting to photograph, and the water fight that Ryan started. And then when we left we walked past a vendor selling Gyeon-ju Bbong (bread) from a stand shaped like a Silla die. This die was used as a drinking game. Each of the 14 sides contained some type of imperative - such as singing a song or standing on one leg. Drinking game haven't changed much in the last 2 millenia...
We finally headed to another coffee shop where I ordered the other Korean favorite - Caramel Machiatto. I know why it is a favorite. Good grief! So much sugary goodness in one pretty cup! And this is where we invented my true Korean name: Bae Seon Hui. Overall, I captured about about one fifth of the memories we made on camera. And now you can share them with us!
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