Breaking out of the Hierarchy

I recently met a Korean who neither drinks, nor asked me my age.

You may wonder why this is significant, and you may wonder if those are related. Well, you're in luck because I have the answers to both of those queries!

Korean society is based entirely on hierarchy. And that hierarchy is based exclusively on age. "Juniors" HAVE to do what their "Seniors" ask or demand. A senior is anyone who was born any year before you. And yes, this extends from families, to friends, to classmates, to coworkers. If your senior tells you that you are going to go and drink with him, then you go. And you drink as much as he buys you.

Independence and innovation are not valued nearly as highly as respect and interaction with seniors.

I've heard many of my friends and classmates complain that they are limited by the past - the oldest people in the company make the decisions. Or they are limited by the future - their senior invited them to go out and drink tonight, so they have to finish everything today so that if they are forced to drink too much, they have to time to recover in the morning.

Because the social hierarchy is built around age, it is typical to be asked your age during the first encounter. From that question it is set in stone who will be buying and who will be following, who will be bowing and who will be leading.

So what does alcohol have to do with it? Well, to say that Korea has a "drinking culture" is an understatement. Many Koreans don't like drinking, most do it anyway. Because their senior - for one reason or another - decided that drinking would be the sport for the night. Every night. This is not limited to college students, nor is it divided along religious lines. Everyone drinks. Especially when their senior buys it for them.

Except my new friend.

He is a software developer at Kakao Talk, Korea's own extremely popular social network. Their company policy includes: never asking 1) academic background - often used to discriminate and divide, or 2) age - always used to determine hierarchy. And how does he pull off not drinking? Well, without the age delineation, no one can tell anyone else what to do.

So for all my Korean friends who feel that they have no hope of ever escaping the cycle of hierarchy and are afraid that they will be locked in stagnant companies for the rest of their alcohol-ridden lives...I want them to know that a modern society based on ability is possible - even for "the capital of Confucianism". Keep fighting, my fine friends!

To be continued...

What I miss about America:
driving
radio
beer/cider
everybody using facebook
my professors
fruits/vegetables
soap/toilet paper/paper towels
*cooking
football
heat
*ethnic diversity
*pancakes
*resale/consignment shops

What I don't miss about America:
food
impatient people in restaurants
*(mostly) naked models
*homeless people everywhere
religious/ideological friction

What I will miss about Korea:
*food
public transportation
flowers everywhere
convenience stores
internet
clean/plentiful public restrooms
heated floors
*sharing

What I won't miss about Korea:
people staring at me
*people pumping into me/invading my "personal space"
odorous restrooms
the temperamental weather
sexism

Temple Stay Photos

The first gate leading into 구인사 (Guinsa) Temple. This was probably the most level part of the one road that ran up through the narrow valley between too incredible steep ridges. 구인사 is built along this road with many stairs, bridges and steep ramps.

Yes, we stayed in that beautiful building. And yes, that is a leaf carved out of the roof wall.

The view up.

My name tag.

The view down.

Well I finally got a picture of the
traditional guest house I keep talking
about! Opposite is the traditional bed.

Our schedule. If you can't read it, download it and zoom in - it's that good...

Orientation consisted of a bit of Temple history, some rules and guidelines, and then we all introduced ourselves.
A family: the parents and their 16-year-old daughter who had just finished her exams who just wanted a weekend away.
First group of international students: 1 guy from the Czech Republic, 1 girl from Germany, 1 girl from Lithuania, 1 guy and 1 girl from Sweden, and 1 girl from the Netherlands; they were all there for the cultural experience.
Two couples: one of the males was an American, the other 3 were Korean; all there for the peaceful atmosphere and the cultural experience.
Second group of internationals: all 3 from America, all there for a class. I also had a myriad of other reasons for going, but that is slightly beside the point.
1 Korean 20-something by himself: Software developer at Kakao Talk (look it up) from Seoul, just there to get away.

Me, in my mandatory Temple Outfit, chilling with the Four Guardian Kings. you will find these in the gates of all Buddhist Temples. They look menacing, but that is because their role is to guard the Temple, and those inside, from the evils outside.

Continuing on with the tour: this is next to the main Dharma hall. On the bottom is the bell that calls all to the morning and evening services, on the top is the drum that symbolizes protection and life for all things living on the earth, a fish symbolizing life and protection to all living creatures in the water, and a cloud symbolizing protection and life for all creatures living in the air. (There are many places and objects of which I did not take photos as I was afraid it would seem irreverent or that I would seem flippant.)

The building at the top (left) was new, modern, and even fancy.
It even had an elevator.
(Above) The Dharma hall at the very top was exquisite.
Truly breathtaking.

(Above and right) The view down the mountain.
The reason you can barely see anything is because the roof
was in the way. Yes, it is that steep.

You have to admit he has nice abs.
And looks scary as all get-out!

I thought he looked a little bit like Posiodon.
But I guess that's the wrong religion.

Did I mention detailed in the extreme, graceful, meaningful, or beautiful?

This was outside the main Dharma hall
around dusk during our tour.
Candles over ice into which wax had dripped.

Later, back at the same time for the evening
ceremony, I tried to capture it again.
This time along with the lotus lantern I made.

The food was, well, it was pretty bad. But we were required to eat it all, so most of us did. And hey look, we survived!
This was dinner, breakfast looked about the same, only slightly less red pepper paste.

After dinner was free time or the optional 108 prostrations, which I decided to do. This was actually one of my favorite parts, and I don't regret it in the least! But my legs hate me right now. The prostrations included:
59 of repentance
20 of gratitude
19 of vowing
5 of prayers
and 5 more vows.

After the morning ceremony, my friends Ryan and I decided to use our free time (from 0430-0650) to climb to the very top of the mountain. It was too dark and foggy to see much - including the path - but it was beautiful, calm, and well worth the hike. This light is actually next to the highest Dharma hall, but this picture was taken in the morning, not on the tour.

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Walking meditation in the morning included a silent walk among the mountains surrounding the Temple. We were led along a trail of leaves and pine needles, past incredible views and silent, giant trees. It ended at the tomb of one of the Venerables (deceased Monks) which is actually a sopt that is off-limits to Temple visitors. We got (VERY) lucky.

***Excerpt from my journal***
"The only sounds were the birds, our foot steps, a crying deer, and fading in and out - the singing of the Monks. At the end of our walk we were privileged to experience one of the most stunningly beautiful sights I have ever seen. The sun had finally risen above the surrounding mountains and as it began to pierce the fog, it revealed row after row of fading blue mountains. The sunbeams silhouetted the dark green pine trees and warmed the grassy knoll on which we paused to meditate. As I sat with my eyes closed and my face lifted to the light, an overwhelming sense of calm and beauty flooded my mind and my entire being."
Obviously, this was the best part for me. 

Next was tea with the Monks. We had a chance to ask questions and listen to many thoughts and views of the extremely pleasant Dharma. Because there were so many foreigners at this particular stay, I didn't get to ask nearly all of me questions. Much of what I learned was through observation. But it was still a wonderful and beautiful time - I always enjoy learning about others' views on the world and how they allow it to affect their lives.

And that was the end.
Most people ran as fast as they could
to catch the next bus back to Seoul. 

I was not quite ready to leave, so I took an extra
hour, sat next to the Four Kings, and wrote extensively
about my first Temple Stay experience.

I caught the 1 o'clock bus with 3 minutes to spare, and thus began my 6-hour, unexpectedly pleasant, journey back to real life.

Temple Stay Fails

A short list of Do's and Do Not's when participating in a Temple Stay:


1a. DO make sure you communicate properly with the reservation staff.
1b. DO NOT ever enter a building with your shoes on.

2a. DO make sure you watch those around you for clues on how to behave.
2b. DO NOT zone out when those clues are your only means of direction.

3a. DO take any opportunity to try something new.
3b. DO NOT hold incense sticks tightly. (They break.)

4a. DO wear appropriate clothing for all activities and weather.
4b. DO NOT leave any amount of food in your dish.

5a. DO talk with the other guests.
5b. DO NOT talk at your regular decibel.

6a. DO bring extra food.
6b. DO NOT leave the wrappers in the trash.

7a. DO enjoy your stay.
7b. DO NOT invite your friends of the opposite sex into your room.

8a. DO attempt to communicate with the Monks/Dharmas.
8b. DO NOT assume there is no one around when you are at a shrine in early morning darkness.

9a. DO ask questions in the Q&A sessions.
9b. DO NOT drink your tea quickly in an attempt to "catch up".

10a. DO practice all the new skills you are learning.
10b. DO NOT practice them at the wrong times.

11a. DO listen carefully to everything you hear.
11b. DO NOT openly contradict anyone else.

12. DO everything slowly and intentionally.


Our group may or may not have learned all of these rules by experience.

Wheel

Walking back to the FLEC Building from eating lunch at the cafeteria, my Korean friend and I were chatting about the weather and our classes, when out of nowhere I heard a male voice say - less hesitantly and more urgently than normal, "Excuse me." As department elections are being held soon, more than one Korean student has stopped me to tell me who to vote for, so my initial response was to look at him, nod and keep walking while pretending I was trying to understand who he was telling me to vote for.

First, "Do you speak Korean?"
"No."
"Do you speak English?"
*faint smile - thank you for not assuming!* "Yes."
"Well, my English is very bad, but I have a favor to ask...Are you busy now?"
"Well...actually, yes."
"Oh, well. Um, I really need a favor."
"Uhh..."
"My favor is, I have a presentation I need to give, and I need someone to look over it."
Oh, I can do that. Probably a paper he has for his English class...no problem.
"Ah, well I will be busy until 5."
"Where will you be after 5?"
"In the building right behind you. Do you have time at 5?"
"Yes. Where...?"
"Oh, go in the main door, and straight ahead there is a room. The sign above the door says Global Lounge. I'll be in there."

By the time 5 rolled around, the 4 hours of sleep I got last night were seeming like a smaller and smaller amount, and I had dozed off in the corner. When I work up, I saw him sitting with a nervous-looking lady, probably a bit older than me. He introduced her as I sat down, handed me some papers, and pulled out his phone. He asked me if I could read it out loud as he recorded it, to improve their pronunciation and phrasing, as this was an extremely important presentation.

Not exactly sure, but I think she was trying to get a job as a teacher, or develop a research program, at another college. And her research was in the field of dental diseases. I'm not 100% sure I pronounced all the words correctly, and more than once I had to reread something. Nonetheless, they were extremely grateful. It took me 6.5 minutes to read the presentation, and after that I spent another 5 adding the handful of articles they had left out. All in all, it was an extremely well-written and grammatically correct paper. I felt honored to be able to help them!

They were extremely thankful.

He pulled a Starbucks drink out of his coat pocket, and told me he'd bought it warm for me. Then asked me what other compensation I wanted. I laughed and told him, "Well, I am just a student now, but in a year I will be trying to go to graduate school, and then maybe someone will help me like I am helping you. So it's ok!" "Oh...really??" "Of course! nice to meet you and good luck! Oh, and thank you for the coffee, I was really tired!"

"Well I've been afraid of changing..."

Last night I woke up from a much-needed 6-hour nap, and thought "What should I do now?" When my mind answered me "Hmm...are there any lists, plans, or records I can make?" my next thought was "What??! Since when do I plan and organize in my spare time? Who is this person??" I sat there thinking about what I'd just thought, feeling quite disconcerted at the changes taking place almost without my notice. Feeling like I no longer knew myself. Then my friend knocked on the door and asked me if I wanted to go eat with them. I immediately felt better and exclaimed, "Sure!" Then my mind started racing once again, "Wait, what? Since when do I spend time with other people to make me feel better? Am I turning into an extrovert?! *gasp*"

WHO IS THIS PERSON IN MY BODY!!

Of course, facing the idea of having an identity crisis at the age of 23 because I wanted to make a list and then go out with friends seemed really quite ridiculous - at least I can still laugh at myself! But someone asked me about a month ago how this experience was changing me, and since then I've been trying to answer.

Yes, I now tend to be extremely organized and future-focused. I still don't ever make my bed, but the girl who used to leave her shoes and projects all over the house, and the teenager who used to have piles of clothes in every available floor space, has become the women who tightly holds to the mantra, "A place for everything, and everything in its place." The high-schooler who used to procrastinate until 9 o'clock at night, is now the college student who studies regularly every day so she never has to study for finals.

Also, I do plan ahead. Nothing big, just, you know... Graduate school. In two years. But in this area, I have certainly maintained some of my spontaneous tendencies. I like to look at options, and work toward one, while striving to keep all the others open - just in case I change my mind. I suppose "organized" and "future-focused" does not necessarily equate with being a "planner."

As for becoming an extrovert. Well, I haven't. I have, however, learned the therapeutic effects of going out with others when I am tempted to over-analyze myself. Somehow, when I'm with others, I have less time to be selfish. Who knew?

I've noticed some other changes as well...

Such as, not being afraid of looking weird, or of people noticing me. Why? Well, everyone notices me here anyway. Why not give them a better reason than my blond hair?
I've also begun to learn that there is nothing wrong with trying something even if I know I won't be good at it. So what if I never make a single basket? I enjoyed the time spent attempting to play basketball with several other almost as bad as I was.
Since I got here, I have frequently heard the accusation, "Yea, but you like being healthy!" First, I never knew that was such a bad thing... And second, since when do I like being healthy? Well, since I recently realized how much better I feel physically and psychologically when I eat food that is good for me and devote time every day to exercise.
Finally, that state that some refer to as "being in love," still not sure I buy it. But I can safely say that I feel things I've never felt before, and make very different decisions than I used to, all because of Sam.

So yes, I am changing. That person in my body - which itself looks a bit different - is not the same as she used to be. But growing and changing often go together. I'm not afraid of changing because I don't want to be the same person I was yesterday! I want to be kinder, stronger, and wiser. I want to be growing.

Style as Status

The first Sunday I was in Korea, I visited my friend Jinju's church with her. She told me that everyone thought I was extremely polite because every time she greeted someone with a bow and and "Anyeong Ha Saeyo," I did the same.

During the school orientation, we were told that under no circumstances should we wear tank-tops, because they never do that, and it would be perceived as extremely immodest. I also noticed that no one wore flip flops - too casual I assume. My only thought was "I wish someone had told me these things *before* I got here with all my American clothes..." After that we all did our best to make our wardrobes fit both the weather and Koreans' expectations.

As it turns out, however, we may not have been quite on target.

When I told Jinju about how I had bought some new clothes and changed my style a bit so as to avoid giving offense, she responded in surprise, "Oh! You didn't have to do that! It's very respectful of you, but you are a foreigner, so you can wear tank-tops." Today I asked a couple of my friends here and their response was extremely similar, "Really? I think you can wear whatever you want - you are a foreigner." 

I have also seen the while normal college students and young women normally dress quite conservatively, models, actresses, singers, and other celebrities seem to be able to wear anything regardless of what it covers and what it shows.

So it's more of a status issue than one of modesty. I am a foreigner, I am expected to be different. 

I feel like if I were to walk around with semi-bear shoulders, I would be flaunting my status as an outsider. Which is not really something I want to do. On the other hand, my hair, skin, eyes, and speech clearly define me as a foreigner, so if I ever get the urge to underscore the difference, I can safely wear a strapless dress or flip flops.

(A lot of) Pictures: Busan edition.

 This is the view from my hostel... The New Day Hostel, right across the street from the Subway station, and on the fifth floor of a building 5-minutes walk from the beach. Not only a great location, but also the most amazing hostel I have ever stayed in. Wow.

Beomeosa Temple

Graceful lines.

Intricate paintings.

Beautiful surroundings.

Frightening legends.

Koreans and foreigners.

Mystical symbolism.

Living history.

Sacred rituals.

 Continuing on up the mountain...

Rock stairs.

Catching up for 3 years of lost time.

Inside jokes.

More rock stairs.

Breathtaking, rugged beauty.

Photo op!

More rock stairs.

Trickling water - underneath the rocks. 

Red, yellow, orange, and purple leaves floating in the air around me.

More rock stairs.

Geumgangam

Quiet.

Ethereal.

Colorful.

Clean.

Buddhist.

Well-kept.

Intriguing.

Peaceful.

Hidden.

Open.

After all that climbing, we were hungry...

And then it was time for more exploring (walking). We found all kinds of things. And we got all kinds of worn out. And hungry.

Eel. (A lack of) Soju. Jalapeños. Garlic. Lettuce. Pickles. Chop sticks. Other stuff.

Gwangwan Bridge during the day...

And...at night!

I don't think you can tell, but it was around 2000 and pouring rain.

 Sunday consisted of, among other things...

Visiting Haeundae Beach.

Drinking fresh-squeezed lemonade.

Wandering around the BIFF (Busan International Film Festival) grounds.

 Watching four Koreans play beach soccer.

Finding a slide.

Filling in lottery tickets.

Listening to sea gulls fly over me.

 Finding a stand that sold all kinds of fish cakes. ALL kinds...

...and Hodok. With nuts.

Walking past tables and tables full of people eating fresh-cooked food.

Trying pig intestines stuffed with noodles. Along with pig intestines and lungs. It was...interesting. 

And finally...waiting for my train. In a coffee shop. With a mini train in it.

Overall, I'd say the trip was a success. And amazing. And beautiful. And busy. And tiring. And too short.