Yes, I really was there.

The Unseen Anchor: A Korean 아버지 (Father)

In my observation of and participation in various Korean homes, as well as throughout countless conversations with friends, I've come to see a very different kind of father than the "absent father figures" we lament in the states.

There are relatively few single mother in Korea. If parents divorce, the Grandparents often take care of the children so that they will have a stable, "normal" home. Indeed, a normal Korean home usually consists of a stay-at-home mother, (More on the topic of women's roles in society in a different post.) two children, grandparents and other relatives coming and going freely, and of course, a father, 아버지 (abeojee). A mother with a job, more - or less - than 2 children, infrequent contact with relatives, and an involved father are all cultural abnormalities.

It is the mother's, and the Grandparents' and aunts', job to raise the children. The fathers' job is to have a job. Most jobs in Korea begin before 8am and can last til 10pm, and if not required to stay this late, the employee can be "required" to go out and drink with coworkers and superiors. Weekends are therefore the only chance a family has to interact with their 아버지. By then he is tired, often sleeping til after noon, by which time the rest of the family has already set out on their own routines.

A recent poll taken of young people in Korea asked them to rank the level of closeness they felt with each member of their family. In every case, the father came last. Most of my friends hold their 아버지s in respect, as they have been taught, which necessitates distance. Fear of their ill opinion, disappointed hopes for their approval, and dread of taking care of them as they age characterize the views of young men toward their fathers. Young women seem to view their fathers as a sort of vending machine who will only provide their allowance if they perform better than their peers.  While there are certainly exceptions to these perspectives, they seem to dominate in most homes and families.

Although his the family would have no financial support and no name without him, his role is limited to this. The emotional support comes from the mother, the discipline comes from everyone who is older, and the relationships come from friends. The 아버지, the anchor of the family, is rarely seen in any other capacity.

Reverse Culture Shock, 2

So far I think I've done a pretty good job of speaking the right English words at all the right times... I'll admit, at first it was a little rough. After getting off the plane and nodding at all the stewardesses who wished me a "Merry Christmas" it kind of hit me that I understood what they were saying. And that they would have understood if I had actually responded.

It felt odd joking with the customs officer - in English. It felt odd reading the names and prices of the snacks - in English. It felt odd reading all the directions and signs through the airport - in English. It felt odd talking with the man next to me in the baggage claim - in English. It felt odd hearing the couple next to me talking - in Korean.

In short, the first few days, EVERYTHING felt odd.

Why are there so many tall white people? Why can I read everything..and I really didn't want to understand the conversation that I overheard from the people standing next to me! This green stuff - oh yeah. It's money. It works. Oh, and, um.....food. I know what everything is. In fact, I can predict with 99% accuracy what everything I put in my mouth will taste like before I eat it. Also, why are all the buildings so short and spread out?

Oh yeah. I'm not in Korea any more, Toto.

All-of-a-sudden, the familiar is unfamiliar. Now I have to get used to not getting used to anything. Everything feels the same as when I left. Everything, that is, except me.

Double take. Again.

Driving down the highway in Seoul 3 days after I got to Korea: random speedometer check...80??! Whaat? Oh, right. 80 KILOMETERS per hour. Got it.

Driving down the highway in Madison 6 hours after I got to the US: random roadside thermometer...12??! There's snow everywhere - whaaat? Oh, right. 12 degrees FARENHEIT. Got it.


We're not in Korea anymore, Toto...

감사합니다, 고마워

All my old Korean friends:
THANK YOU to my wonderful friend 진주어니. Literally there for me the entire time. Even picked me up from the airport, and returned me safely there in the end.
THANK YOU to 지성, 에리, 인재, 봉준, 영호, 윤재, 정은, Erik, 윤경, and 이라 who all made time to meet with me, and I think you all bought me food too.


All my new Korean friends:
THANK YOU to 나영 who was the best roomy I've ever had. Sweet and thoughtful, quiet and hard-working. I couldn't have picked a better one. I miss you!
THANK YOU to lovely 지희 and 진주, my honorary room mates.
THANK YOU to 김지수, the closest thing I had to a big brother at SCH.

THANK YOU to all my exchanges for all the hours and all the conversations.

THANK YOU to Guapo Xavier, for telling my I don't look like your idol Amanda Seyfried.

THANK YOU to Philip for being so sweet.
THANK YOU to 진주 and 에리's boyfriends for being so kind to my best friends. (And me...)

THANK YOU to 진주's family and 에리's family for welcoming me into your homes, treating me with honor and love. Now I have Korean families!
THANK YOU to 준재, for being so perfect at the right time in all the right ways. I'll come back so we can say goodbye (and hello) for real...


D-502:

THANK YOU - You all made my experience here what it was. I'll always remember you, SCH, and ll our fun times together with much love. And come visit me in America!


All my international friends:

THANK YOU to Dazha...Hermanita, I love you so much! I am so thankful and blesssed that you were in my suite. I couldn't have chosen a more wonderful friend and sister. I can't wait to come visit you in Mexico and meet our family!

THANK YOU to Nikki for being so fun and encouraging and sunshiny. I miss your voice and energy already. I love you and I'm happy I can visit you in WI!

THANK YOU to Mel for being there for me when my Grandpa passed away, and every other day. Mel, my white Hawaiian, next time I get a cold I'll just hop over and visit you to get better.

THANK YOU to Ashley for being so crazy and always making everyone laugh. I'll miss making fun of you, I'll miss you making fun of me. Keep talking to me...facebook is good for that!

THANK YOU to Aapo for so many good conversations and so much comfortable time not talking.

THANK YOU to so many more people I can't even start listing for all the smiles, hugs, laughs, talks, tears; shared frustrations, memories, walks, meals, facebook conversations. Whether we talked every day or only once or twice, you're not forgotten.


To my teachers:

THANK YOU to Derek, for forcing me to learn things about the Korean culture I would never have thought of otherwise.
THANK YOU to 림개삼선생님 for listening and understanding, and being professional.
THANK YOU to 오선생님 for being a cool lit professor! Loved that class, learned so much about so many cultures, and Korean views of Korea.
THANK YOU to Master for teaching me how to tie my Taekwondo belt correctly.
 THANK YOU to 백선갱님 for teaching me literally everything I know about Korean history.
THANK YOU to 김선생님 for understanding my broken Korean.
THANK YOU to 송선생님 to speaking Konglish and making me feel like I could understand Korean.

My Korean class:
THANK YOU to Iesha, Krista, Vera, San, Memo, Tanya, Ashley, Ryan, Kim... 아주 채미있어요. Right?? *grimace* ;)


My friends and family at home:
THANK YOU to Sam, always. Your consistancy has been my anchor and your support the wind in my sails. I love you.

THANK YOU to Mom and Dad and Esther, Av and Apryl and various brothers. Skype was better than nothing, right?

THANK YOU to my entire extended family for all of their support during this adventure, especially with Grandpa's passing.

THANK YOU to Nicole, Kyle, Austin, Brady, and Josh, for keeping up with me. Your names popping up in chaat windows on the bottom of my screen helped me through so many rough times, and helped me stay connected with you and my life in TN.

THANK YOU to Jo. My best friend forever. "I won't give up on us even when the times get rough." "My love will follow you, stay with you - baby you're never alone!"


So many random people who had no idea that they were making my life better:

THANK YOU to the ladies in the New York Hot Dog for being so helpful and making sure I got what I wanted.

THANK YOU to the guys at the book store for finding my books for me.

THANK YOU to all the random people on subways and busses, in stores and restaurants, my friends' friends and family, who tried to talk English and put up with my attempts to speak Korean.

THANK YOU to the taxi drivers who did NOT try to cheat me.

THANK YOU to the guy at the Incheon Airport who checked my second bag for free.

만두를 만들다. Making Mandoo.

Mandoo is actually a traditional Chinese dumpling, but Koreans love it, and make it, too. It's one of my favorites here, and after I made pie for Jinju's family, her Mom offered to teach me how to make Mandoo. Here's the proof!


The Ingredients.

Mix: Tofu, drained and crumbled.
Ground beef mixed with salt, pepper, and sesame oil.
Ground pork with the same.
Sprouts and green onions chopped.
And the yolks of to eggs. (Save the whites!)
To make Kimchi Mandoo, just add rinsed, chopped kimchi to the mix!


The Dough/피.

Mix the same ingredients used to make pie crust, but then knead for a very long time, until the Pi is stiff. Cut into pieces and roll out into circles about as thin as a traditional corelle plate. Alternatively, you can roll out large pieces and cut smaller pieces out. Or...you can go to your friendly Korean market and purchase pre-made Pi.


Forming the Dumplings.

The finished mix will look something like the picture on the left. It is used as the filling for the Pi circles. There are different shapes and patterns you can make, they all taste almost the same so this is mainly for the aesthetic value. (You can see a package of the Pi on the table next to my hands.)





Cooking.

Two options: either plain in a double boiler or in soup. I love it both ways! If you cook them in the double boiler, the length will depend on the size, ingredients of the filling, and thickness of the Pi. Cooking to taste is common. You can also deep fry Mandoo, but...that's greasy.


ENJOY!

 These are the three different designs I made. But I suggest eating them cooked...

Family goes without being said.

Things that make me more excited to be in America.

Driving
Any where I want. Any time I want. Any speed I want. (Sort of.) Any people I want. Any direction I want.

HUGS!!
Koreans don't hug. They tend to be really touch with friends of the same sex. But I can't even begin to say how much more I would like to have one really good hug, then no physical contact for the rest of the encounter than weird hand and arm holding, and no hugs. No hugs! Korea! How do you survive??

Cosmos
Miss my bar. Miss my beer. Korean beer ain't got nothing on Woodchuck cider and Calfkiller. In fact, Korean beer is pretty bad.

Christmas
I've never been into Christmas much, but the deprivation I have experienced here has started to make me a bit dejected. Now, to be clear, I do NOT miss Christmas "music". Or shopping. And especially not shoppers. But the decorations, general jolly atmosphere, cards, cantatas, and lights...and I'm not even going to start on the food. (Until later.)

New clothes
The downside of losing weight is that none of your clothes fit anymore. The downside of doing that in Korea is that they have no thrift or resale shops. I'm tired of looking "frumpy"!!

Working
Not that I particularly loved either of my jobs, but I sure miss having one!

Soft skin
If I go for more than 24 hours without slathering lotion all over my poor body, my skin turns into scales that refuse to peel off. I don't know what kind of lotion the use here, but if I ever come back, I HAVE to find some.

Cooking
Because, I love cooking! So much. I feel so happy every time I do it here. Not...because it always ends with something delicious, but because it ends with something home made, and hand made. By me!

Gym
They have gyms here. Even the ones on campus you have to pay for. and running on a mountain covered with ice just doesn't appeal to me right now...

Art supplies
MY art supplies that is. I want to paint.

FOOD
Where do I even start...
Ok, why is all the food here sweet? I just wanted a plain salty snack.
Eggnog, anyone? Anywhere? Nope.
Pancakes. They eat waffles here, covered in more sugar. Not exactly my cup of tea.
Eggs. I used to eat eggs every day! I could probably count how many I've had since I got here.
Yogurt. Not peach yogurt that makes me sick. Not strawberry yogurt - I don't like strawberry yogurt... Not yogurt with random chocolate cereal mix-ins. Just - freakin yogurt!
Frozen yogurt. Because ice cream is overrated. And Bingsu costs more than dinner.
Sweet&Sour chicken. Because they don't eat sour food here. Ever.
Sour gummy worms. See above.
Tortillas. And all other foods Mexican.
Bagels. And cream cheese. Because I love me some bagels and cream cheese!
FRUIT!!!!!! 1000x fruit! Because I can't afford to spend 3$ for 5 apples every week. Not to mention that at that rate I'd probably have eaten all the apples in Korea by the beginning of October.
VEGETABLES!!!!!!!! Because apparently kimchi supplies all the nutrients that all of ours provide put together. Maybe it's a fruit too, who knows...
Raisins. Oh my! I've loved raisins for so long. Now we can finally be together again.
Nuts. One small can of peanuts here: $7. You want mixed nuts? Try $12.
Non-fried chicken. Why is fried chicken so popular here? Why do you have to fry the poor chicken before you cover it in some kind of sweetish sauce?
Muffins. Because muffins here are always dry. *tears**more tears* I love muffins so much...
Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin anything!! Because I missed fall. And because...pumpkin.
Chicken soup. Because being sick here makes me want to eat chicken soup every day for the rest of my life.